It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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