well you can't waste a boner
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
it's like heaven, but drunker
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
