hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
