So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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