Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
