There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
