So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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