this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
