I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
