I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
