I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just forgot I was standing up.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
