cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
