We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
