I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
