the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
