the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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