if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
