At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
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