none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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