Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
