someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
