I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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