Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
