found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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