Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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