I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
