the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i've created a new STD.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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