I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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