Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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