Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
