Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
