Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
