i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
