some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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