now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
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wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
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Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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