I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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