Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
