and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
