his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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