when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
