i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
