Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
