I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
