so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
