these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
