just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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