just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
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That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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