no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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