Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
