It's Friday. Sex?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
