Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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