the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Barsexuality is the new black.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize