he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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