I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
