clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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