I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
