i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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