All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's never too late to be topless.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
