is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
