i barfeds in our rink
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
