I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
