What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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