Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
