She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
